Tuesday, May 16, 2006

They came...They saw....They spent money.....



and they tried to poke as many holes in my relationship with MD as they possibly could. Well, the guru did. The Princess just aided and abetted.

The Questions:

"So his family is really blue blood huh?"
"Did he go to a boarding school for bad kids?"
"Do you really think the two of you are compatable?"
"Does he expect to make a living as an actor?"
"Is the real estate gig how he wants to live his life?"
"Do you think his family looks down on how you were raised?"
"Just an observation, but he seems more clingy to you then you are to him."

That last one was really the icing on the shit cake for me.

Lets back up a bit.

The Princess and the Guru, other wise known as my dad and his...girfriend? Who knows what she is, she's married and not to him. Anyway, the guru came up to meet MD and see what my life in the big city was like. That's what I was told, anyway. So I prepared a bunch of excersions to places I thought they make like. The Statue of Liberty, Ellis Island, Central Park, Dylan's Candy Store, Serindipity, the usual tourist fare, added in with places I like, such as Williamsburg, Coney Island, the lower east side, etc.

The princess was higher maintance then I expected. There was something wrong with just about everything we did...lets see if I can recap

"The boat to the Statue of Liberty was too crowded"
"People were rude at the island and shoving"
"The hotel room is too small (The Algonquin)"
"There's no where to shop in lower Manhattan"
"None of the rides on Coney Island are open"
"The park is too big to walk (east to west)"
"Williamsberg looks sketchy"
"My neighboorhood looks 'rough around the edges'"
"The food here is weird, not what I'm used to, etc."
"I don't understand the menu"
"The wait staff are taking too long"

She was only happy eating chocolate at Sernidipity or spending the Guru's money which she did freely. A trip that was supposed to be a look into my life became about impressing this cold, critical, totaly unavailble woman. I ended up being dragged to Bloomingdales, and Canal Street, following behind the two of them like a shadow. I wondered what the purpose of the Guru's trip to NY really was; to see me, or impress his lady friend?

To give them credit, they did end up liking the food at all the places, and I did see an attempt to engage MD in conversation. But the over all tone of the week long trip really irked me.

I feel like I bent over backwards to accomidate these people and have very little to show for it other than a good case of exhastion and a slight cold.

On the last day, MD took time off to drive them to the airport. We lunched at this wonderful little Italian place in the Lower East Side that specializes in small plates, my favorite way of eating. The Princess and the Guru hardly touched thier food and after awhile MD and I were like "fuck it, we're going to dig in because its good." If you have no opinion about the resturant, then don't get all huffy when you don't like the food.

Granted, MD and I were pushing the drive to the airport a bit. Arriving at 5pm for a 6pm flight is kind of a gamble, but its a gamble New Yorkers seem to take a lot. Traffic was bad, unforseen events such as a miner fender bender occured, and at 5:05 we were still in traffic.

That's when the Guru turned into a cigar smoking daddy warbucks. "We're not going to make this flight, I'll have to find another one." He annouced to a striken MD, who I thought was going to cry. He got on the phone and started balling out some poor flight agent about how he and the Princess can ONLY FLY FIRST CLASS, he simply doesn't fly coach and they must be moved to another first class flight. He's simply too old to run for a plane, and he paid too much money to be treated this way....yada yada.yada....
Poor MD's hands were turning white from gripping the steering wheel and I was so car sick from the traffic I was afraid to move for fear I might puke. It was like a really bad sitcome.
"But dad, the airline people will walk you to the flight if you call and say you're running late."
"I'm too old and paid too much money to run for a flight."

We got them to the airport at 5:20 and at 5:45 the Guru calls to say they are both on the flight, in first class and an agent took them right to the plane.

It was a shitty end to a stressful week.

Did I mention that the Guru thought "The Producors" was to "gay"? I mean christ, those tickets cost MD $300. Its Mel Brooks, what did he expect?!

They mentioned the possibility of coming back, which they are welcome to do. NYC is open to everyone, I however, officially retire from the tour guide buisness. Next time all they get from me is a copy of NFT. I'm done trying to please difficult people.

2 Comments:

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1:56 AM  
Blogger Le Synge Bleu said...

i can speak firsthand as the one who desperately attempted to quell the rising tide of awkwardness at dinner with everyone. wb was aware of it too. i do think a lot of it had to do with the princess and that the visit could've and should've been much different were it just the guru. i'm sorry hon, you definitely didn't deserve that.

1:04 PM  

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