Thursday, April 20, 2006

Stress, blisters, and moving? What is going on?

Its been a strange month so far. Actually, in retrospect, its been a strange year. If you had told me in December that I would have a boyfriend who I was madely in love with, be looking to move in together, planning my future, looking for new jobs and be gaining ground with my writing by April, I would have laughed in your face and offered to eat my shoe.

The shoe wasn't that tastey.

What's that boaring saying? When it rains it pours? Well its true. It's a hurricain, and its all happening at once in the shortest time frame imaginable.

MD and I are planning to move in togther sooner than July. We are both trying to get out of our leases, while looking for new places, as he tries to balance this intense, all consuming job and I search for new ones.

Enter large stress blister in the middle of my lip.

The reason we are putting ourselves through this is for a couple of reasons:

1.) Commuting back and forth between Brooklyn and the Upper West Side is exhasting. I hate leaving the cat and he finds my apartment too noisey, my bed really only fits me. I can't imagine us doing this for 9 more months
2.) My area has become a bit hostile. It could be the shooting that occured next door a few weeks ago, the large groups of restless young men screaming at each other right outside my window; usually at 3am, and the sever lack of police presence at these events. I called my landlord yesterday to inquire about the lease, full of doubt that my area was really THAT bad, when a police car, fire truck and ambulance pulled up outside to investigate a 911 call and some mischief. Point taken, I'm out of there...
3.) MD and I love eachother and want to build a life together, the above is our catalyst.

The timing couldn't be worse. I'm tied up in knots over this job search and time for writing, meanwhile I'm feeding off of MD's stress over his job. Yesterday we had a knock down drag out fight over the phone were I was accusing him of wanting to back out, despite him saying the opposite. It appears as though I momentarily mistook him for my ex-boyfriend. Really, it was me yelling because I was stressed out. Moving is hard. Moving in with someone is harder. Moving when you are super busy is what causes lip blisters. My face is breaking out too.

I know a lot of this has to do with my anal need to have a plan. WHEN are we moving, ARE we out of our leases, can I get a sworn afidavidt that it will happen in July? Were will I be working in July? These are all very unsettling things for me.

Everyone's advice? Relax. Yeah, easy to tell someone else, hard to do.

As always, I will do my best, and plunge forward into tomorrow.


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10:20 PM  

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