Tuesday, April 04, 2006

Musings While at Work.........

Oh SDJ, waster of my time, paycheck I recieve only when chained to a computer, why must you suck the life force out of my brain? How shall I quit you SDJ? Shall it be in a ball of flames, lighting bridges out from under me as I go? Shall I announce it from the top of my desk for the entire office to hear?

"I'm done with you, peace out!" I'd scream.

Perhaps I could lump all of my vacation and sick days together until it totals a month, then come back in time to give my two weeks......

What is up with daylight savings? We don't have this in Arizona, and though I have lived in the east for about 7 years, it is still a shock evertime it happens. I woke up very confused on Sunday, waking MD up (yes, I was at MDs) asking him all these upset, half asleep questions.."does your VCR change audiomatically? Fall back, Spring forward, that sounds right, right? Wait, I think my cell changes on its own, yours doesn't, what time is it, why aren't you awake?"

"Its an hour later, so that makes it 8am. Go back to sleep." MD said.

Which brings me to the topic I wasn't going to blog about....

MD and I have gotten very serious. This is coming from the girl, who, if you scroll down the blog postings you'll see once proclaimed that she would adopt cats and be single forever. The fun aunt who plays with the kids and goes home to her single apartment. I never thought I could earn enough money to pay my rent, or save, or even...invest. That sounds so adult. But something strange happend when I turned 26.

I went crazy.

And suddendly started worrying about the future, about a house and kids and loosing baby weight from the baby I haven't had and babies in general and about doing all this with....MD.

He's it. I know this somehow. It doesn't feel false, although I keep questioning it on his end, despite constant reassurances. We talked about marraige, home, kids, the whole nine yards. We were at a resturant in DUMBO and MD said "why don't we just say it." "Fine." I said. "We talking about getting married someday, aren't we?" MD had a pecular reaction. He got a hard on, felt nausuas and could feel his heart beating all at the same time. I took that to mean it was scary and exciting. I myself felt a bit dizzy. We stayed at the table until he could stand up without embarresment and I could find my feet. It was an interesting evening.

I keep looking for the timeline that tells me this isn't moving too fast, or its moving at good pace at least. Were's the book? How do people know these things? MD and I are talking about buying a townhouse in Brooklyn after my lease is up in February. That feels like a good timeline, we'll have been together a good year by then.

My dad and MD have met via email. The great SL2000 dad is somewhat of a finiancial guru to young investors. He's thrilled to impart this information on his daughter and daughter's boyfriend. MD is working as a realestate broker in the hopes of saving up enough for a downpayment without parental help.

This isn't something I would have thought possible 4 months ago. It seemed like such a far off dream, I didn't think it could ever be real or more than fiction I write. I kept having nightmares that it wasn't real, I was afraid to mention it to anyone for fear it would go away....."what more do I have to say to reassure you?" MD asked. Nothing. The problem lies with me, not him. Hopefully the struggle with my doubt will ease up, and I will be able to enjoy the ride, no matter where it leads me...........


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